Last Call Casualty
by Roadtrip the Pickpocket
Summary: What's a guy to do when his girl dumps him for another guy? Why, go and get drunk, of course! Oneshot.


A/N: And here's another one-shot from little old me. This story comes from a Bowling for Soup song that I just recently heard again. Not so amazingly, the name of the song is the same as the name of my story. Anyways, here goes...

Jack walked into the apartment building in a daze, looking lost and confused. Kloppman saw this and walked over to the young cowboy, "What's wrong, Cowboy? You get a bad grade or something?"

Jack shook his head, getting out of his daze enough to answer, "No, she broke up with me. I can't believe that Sarah broke up with me. I thought we were so good together."

Kloppman gave Jack a quick pat on the back, "Come on, it's not like you were planning on marrying the girl, right? Right?"

Jack just gave Kloppman a look that told the older man that this was clearly what he had intended. Kloppman nodded, "I see...well, you know the best solution to this problem, don't you?"

Jack thought for a second and then came up with an answer, "Run over her new boyfriend with a tractor and then pin it on her?"

Kloppman laughed and shook his head, "No, the best way to forget a girl is to go out with your friends and get drunk."

And that's what Jack decided to do.

The guys that Jack had chosen to offer this chance to had all agreed. One person was missing for obvious reasons. Little Les was not old enough to drink anyways, and he didn't want the younger boy who looked up to him to hear trash-talk about his own flesh and blood. Jack knew that though they were related, David knew what his sister was really like.

Now Jack sat around a table with David, Spot, Race, Mush, Blink, Skittery, Dutchy, and Specs. Each had obviously had a little too much to drink and now they were telling stories of things they remembered about the couple. It was Spot's turn to tell his tale.

Spot took a drink of his beer to give himself a little time. He smiled as he realized what he was gonna say, "Hey, I know the perfect story! You remember that time that it was raining hard and Jack got so drunk that he decided to go over to Sarah's house. Somehow he managed to get to get to her old house instead, where she used to live with her parents. He ended up waking up poor Mister and Missus Jacobs. He just about gave the guy a heart attack when he confessed his undying love to his wife sopping wet and in nothing but his boxer shorts."

David frowned as he turned slowly to Jack, "That was you? No wonder my mother blushed whenever we mentioned you and my dad broke whatever he was holding!"

Specs laughed so hard at this that he spit his beer out on Race. Race glared at Specs as he got a napkin and cleaned off his face, "Thanks a lot, Specs. I really needed a beer shower."

Dutchy shook his head and looked at Jack, "You know what you should do right now, Jack? You should give Sarah a call and try to win her back."

At that moment, the jukebox decided to play their song. Jack frowned as he heard the beginning line to I Can Love You Like That by All-4-One. That was the last nail in the coffin. He staggered over to the pay phone and picked it up, dialing as he put his quarter in.

He waited for somebody to answer on the other line. Before they could talk, he broke in, "Hey baby...it's me, Jack. I miss you so much. Can't you give me another chance? I swear, I'll shower you with gifts. What? Who is this? Ain't you Sarah? No, if you're not Sarah I won't still give you gifts. I don't even know you. Bye."

As he hung up the phone, he looked over to see his friends laughing wildly at him. He stuck his middle finger up and then tried again. This time when he answered the voice on the line was a man who stated Jacobs' residence. When Jack heard the man, he hung up. He had David come over and dial just to be sure.

When David dialed, the same voice came on. Jack shook his head and hung up again. He called and hung up five more times. This was the seventh time and the man was clearly getting angry. As Jack was about to pick up the phone to dial another time, it rang. This caused Jack jump backwards into the wall.

Calming down slight, Jack picked up the phone and answered in a slurred voice, "Hello?"

The other man sounded furious, "Is this the jerk that's been calling here the last 20 minutes?"

Jack found himself too drunk to lie, "Yeah, I did. Whatcha gonna do about it?"

Sarah's new man went into a lengthy and vivid description of doing something that Jack thought not possible involving metal pipes, his nether regions, long needles, and his eyes. Jack let him finish and then said in what he hoped was a forceful voice, "I wanna talk to Sarah."

The guy wasn't about to let him talk to Sarah but he heard her talking calmly to him. Suddenly, he heard Sarah talking into the phone in a defeated sigh, "Yes, Jack, what do you want?"

Jack stood up straighter, "Sarah, can't you give me a chance? I'll shower you with all the attention and gifts that you deserve!"

Sarah's voice had an angry tone to it as she answer, "Jack, you don't understand. I'm tired of being second to everything else. I deserve better. You can't afford the life I want. Now, I'm with Harry and you'll just have to get over it."

With that, a dial tone replaced the sound of her voice. Jack hung up the phone with a sigh and walked back over to the table. David patted him on the back, "It's okay, Jack. You can do better than her. To tell you the truth, she's just like those spoiled rich kids at school, only with no money to get what you want. You can do better."

No sooner had the words come out of David's mouth that Jack looked away and saw what he thought was a hallucination. There was the prettiest girl that he had ever seen. Her short strawberry blonde hair and long legs. She looked to him like an angel. Before he made his way over to her, he looked to David and smiled, "I think I just found her..."

A/N: Ta-da! I don't hate Sarah, it's just I didn't want to do a newsie/original character relationship. She was there, telling me to use her in this way. You can't ignore something like that, can you?


End file.
